Tag: Healing

Why Therapy?

We all make choices. Every day.

What to eat, what to wear, where to work and how to live.

Our choices impact our relationships. Our relationships determine who we become and how well we live.

The problem is, we rarely understand why we make the choices we make. Events or non-events from childhood, unconscious decisions made years ago, resentments… For most of us there are dozens of issues from our past that color our present.

Uncovering these issues and resolving them changes our future.

That’s why I do what I do.

I know this work changes lives. I’ve seen it hundreds of times. And I’ve experienced it for myself. I’ve seen families saved. Lives and loves changed for better, forever.

I see it. Every day.

You can too.

 

3 Most Important Factors To Consider In Choosing a Therapist

Choosing a therapist was a log harder than I expected.  There were a lot of options.
 
I never wanted to go to therapy.  
 
At all!
 
Then one day I realized that I was hurting the people I loved and I couldn’t stop. So I went.  
 
My first therapist was amazing.  Later I would learn, both personally and professionally, that they’re not all that way.   
 
So I understand the difficulties of choosing a therapist.  I can relate to the pain, the fear, and finally having the need to reach out to a professional.  Whether you choose me or someone else, I want to support you in your journey toward finding a someone who can help. 
 
Over the years I’ve taught therapists in graduate school as well as hired and fired them as a director. Some of them are…  better than others.  Here are some suggestions that I hope prove helpful:
 
1. Connection matters: 
Find someone you trust. You should feel at ease in their presence and have a sense of their competence. You should know, without a doubt, that they’ll be able to keep everything you say in complete confidence.
 
2. Specialization matters: 
Postgraduate training and certifications cost time and money. The top clinicians I’ve seen work are willing to invest in continuing education to help their patients. 
 
3. Personal experience matters:
Time and time again, this has proven to be THE MOST important factor in clinical excellence.  Find someone who has done their own therapy. Master therapist Carl Jung said to his students, “you cannot see in others what you cannot see in yourself.” The clinician you working with is much more likely to be able to guide you through things that he or she has gone through themselves. Many clinicians don’t believe in extensive personal disclosure, but at the very least finding out if they’ve gone through their own therapy is a step in the right direction.
 
These guidelines will prove a step in the right direction in terms of finding a clinician who can be of maximum service in your journey.  I wish you the best!

Sex Addiction vs. Sexual Anorexia

The desire to come together physically with another exists, more or less, in all human beings.

Unfortunately, for many of us, sexuality presents opportunities for suffering and pain, rather than connection and intimacy.

The challenges can take many forms and have many causes.

Addiction vs. Anorexia

Sex Addiction / Sexual Compulsivity – Happens when sex becomes the most important thing in a person’s life, and also takes on an obsessive-compulsive quality. For a sex addict, sex is the greatest need.

The type of compulsivity can vary tremendously from person to person – pornography, affairs, sexting, anonymous hookup apps, fetishes, BDSM, strip clubs, prostitutes, bath houses…

The exact issue doesn’t matter that much.

What matters is that for the addict, they can’t stop.

No matter how bad it gets.

No matter what they lose.

Sexual Anorexia – Although it’s a bit less common than sex addiction (at least in terms of what I’ve seen clinically) sexual anorexia happens when avoidance of sex becomes a central focus of a person’s life.

Most of these folks have a deep phobia of emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy, or both.

Some avoid relationships entirely.

If the opportunity for a relationship comes up they’ll simply disappear.

Sometimes they’ll wear clothing that allows them to “hide” from the eyes of those who might otherwise be attractive to them.

Other times they’ll choose (consciously or unconsciously) to adopt a body shape that will help keep potential mates at a distance.

Others will enter into a relationship, but when the opportunity for physical intimacy presents itself they’ll find a way to avoid it.

Sometimes that means starting a fight.

Other times they’ll find other things to do, and get too busy, tired, hungry, angry, preoccupied, worried… etc.

Treatment

A friend of mine who has been in the field for a number of years summed up treatment of sex addiction and sexual anorexia pretty well: “It doesn’t usually happen by accident.”

What he meant by that is that people who treat sex addiction generally need to know what they’re doing and be very deliberate about how they’re doing it.

Or it won’t work.

If you’re looking to get treatment, my advice is to find a professional with experience in the field. I’m happy to provide the services. Feel free to drop me a line in the “contact” section of the website.

Contact Greg Struve today for more information: